What if?

Certain things happen in life that makes you grateful that the “what could have happened” is not what happened. I try to remember that daily in my life. I look at Eric and at Seth and I think, man, how fortunate that they were brought into the family. I look at where they could/would have been if our hearts were not ready to receive such a blessing. How grateful to the Lord for making us ready. I also try to keep there birth families in my thoughts and prayers.

I look at my kids and think “Wow! How grateful I am that they are responsible people who try to do right in their lives”. I know some people say that it is how they are raised. Certainly, there was some influence there surely. However, I know plenty of good parents who struggle with the pain of their children’s choices and behaviors. Orey and I are so very blessed that we have the children we do. Not all their choices are right 100% of the time, but they take responsibility for them and try to do better. I am grateful that they trust me enough to be a part of their lives. I am proud of them. I am thankful they love me. I wonder what my life would have been like without them and it makes me emotionally raw at such a horrible thought. I love that they have never questioned if they are loved by their parents. I am sure there are probably times they have not allowed themselves to feel it, but I trust that they have always known it.

I look at my husband and think “What would my life be like if I had not asked him out?” There were so many times and obstacles that came in to play in our early dating days that would have ended that relationship. I will name a few of them. Orey was in Colorado when I started working at Wendy’s. He was visiting his dad. He was supposed to fly home but decided that Carson City had nothing for him so he would just stay there in Denver. He called the airlines to cancel his flight for later that afternoon but the lines were busy (they did not have internet back then). He fell asleep and when he woke up it was time to go to the airport. Being the responsible person he is, he figured he could not waste money by not using his ticket so he came home. The very next day I met him. He was not popular with many of my family and friends. He did not seem to fit the mold that I dated. I am glad I did not listen to most of the people who told me not to date him. It was not easy for a while. At the time I met him, an old boyfriend who I “loved” very much came back into the picture. He asked me to go out with him but it happened to be the same night that Orey and I were going on our first date. I am ashamed to say I really debated on whether to cancel my date with Orey. I almost did. At the very last minute I heard myself say that I could not but would he contact me the next week. That was the last time I spoke to the old boyfriend. Oh, also, I was dating someone the week before I met Orey. However, my friend Tom was coming in to town and my current boyfriend did not like that I was going to hang out with my friend so he said that we should stop seeing each other for the weekend and I could contact him the following week when I decided what I wanted. Tom came in, we hung out, I went to work on Monday with the intent of calling Roy after work but I met Orey that day when I came in to work. If I were still dating Roy I would never have dated Orey because I did not cheat. Anyway, those are just some of the obstacles and those were just in the first few days. Sometimes I wonder about any of those scenarios and how a different course of action on any of those would have changed my life and where I am at now. I am incredibly grateful that the Lord knew this was the man for me, my eternal companion and the father of my eternal family. What a wonderful man he is. I would not be who I am or where I am without his unconditional love and unwavering support. To say that I love him with all my heart would be an overwhelming understatement!

There are so many other “what if’s” that could be mentioned. The family I was born into, the way my parents raised me, the places we lived, the love they gave me, the friends I associated with (good and bad), and so on.

So, to my Heavenly Father and my brother Jesus Christ, I give my heartfelt gratitude for giving me those things in life with I needed but did not even know it. For loving me enough to bless me so richly with trials, tribulations, love, knowledge, family, friends, experience, and the gospel. I thank Thee.