Inadequate or Pride, your choice.

I was at the visiting teaching conference the other day and one of the sisters mentioned that she was grateful for the opportunity to serve in her position even though she felt inadequate and not equal to the task. I realized that I hear that statement a lot and have said it....a lot.

At that second I realized the reason for that. I think when we do not feel equal to the task then we are still humble enough to be taught and to feel the spirit. When we feel we are equal to the task then I think maybe pride has taken over and we are no longer teachable. Maybe that is why we are released just when we feel we are starting to get a handle on things.

Just a thought.

YAY FOR ALEXANDER!

Well, I have to post this on my blog because I don't want to steal Alexander's thunder on Facebook. Plus, Deborah does not Facebook. Alexander called night last night around 10pm. He was really excited because he had his first audition with Westminster Choir. Apparently, you have to go through a series of auditions but they accepted him after the first one! Way to go Alexander! This is the same group that Keith sings with and he absolutely loves it. Last year they took "World" in the competition in England.

I am very proud of him.

Wow, What a Weekend!

So, we took Alexander down to Anaheim on Friday. Orey and Alexander picked me up from work and we headed down. As most of you know, Alexander is not a traveler. He gets motion sick (funny he will be working at Disneyland) and has to live on Dramamine and ginger for the course of the trip. Well, this trip was not different and I happened to have 2 Dramamine with me and planned to get more. Poor Alexander was sick from the get go. So what does any good mother do in a case like that? Insist her son eat something so he will feel better.

We got a bout 2/3 of the way there and poor Alexander got violently ill all over the place in the back seat(s) of the car. My heart went out to him. Usually when we travel I have tp, paper towels, garbage bags, etc., but I did not remember to have Orey grab these. So, we happened to have “A” towel. It might have been a Kleenex for all the good it did. There was just too much. We pulled over, Orey helped Alexander clean up, dug out some clean clothes for him, and sent him a little further away from the freeway to change. Alexander had to strip down to his birthday suit and put clean clothes on his poor dirty body. Then, because we did not have any bags, we had to put the pukey stuff in the full trunk and lay a jacket down for Alexander to sit on. We still had about 2 or 3 hours to go before our destination. By the time we got to the hotel, Alexander was soaked through again because he had to sit on wet seat. Then we found out the hotel laundry was closing in 15 minutes and so we could not do laundry until the morning. Alexander was going to meet up with Keith and have a good time. He took a shower, texted Keith and then went to sleep. They decided to meet up the next day.

By the middle of the night, my poor Orey was up puking. Yup, it was not car sickness at all. It was the flu. I left early that morning and found a Walgreen’s and spent about $65 on medicine, Gatorade, cleaning supplies, clothes soap, etc. It took about an hour and a half but I managed to get almost everything out. It still stunk but was much better than it was. I went back to the room, set everyone up with Gatorade and crackers and such. Took out some more of my plastic gloves (laugh if you will, I did not get it) and headed down to do laundry. By the time I got back, Keithy was there. Alexander was still green around the gills but doing better. I guess it is really bad for about 24 hours and then you just feel sort of yucky and have a tender tummy for a few days after. Poor Orey, we had to check out of the hotel at noon but there were no rooms available at our new hotel until 3pm. I felt so bad for Orey. We went over to Disneyland and sat and watched people. We also went on the Small World ride because it was still set up for Christmas. That was amazing! When we were able to check into the hotel he went straight to sleep. He was so wiped from the afternoon.

Sunday we checked Alexander in to his program. We met his roommate, Justin, who is from Las Vegas and is very nice. There are only the two of them in the room so he really lucked out. Orey and I went grocery shopping and apartment set up stuff shopping. I made fudge for them and then we left. We went over to Disneyland for a little while and hung out. Orey was still feeling yucky and I was feeling a bit emotional.

Monday we hung out and then went to the park. We still took it easy because neither of us were 100% yet. It rained like all get out. We had to purchase “slickers”. Orey did manage to get the frozen pineapple whip he likes. Last time he didn’t get to do it because they were always closed. We were soaked by the time we got back to the room.

Tuesday, we watched the weather for a while. Realized we were going to have to buy tire chains for the ride home so we went all over tarnation for those. Apparently, no one really carries chains in SoCal. Go figure. We also bought umbrellas and a wind breaker for me to wear under my coat. We took to boys to lunch at some International Buffet which they seemed to enjoy. Yucky! We headed out. It was raining amazingly hard all morning. Even the umbrellas were not able to repel the amount of water coming down. We went to the park again. There must have been like 10 people in the park. Okay, I am sure more than that but we were all die-hards! We went on the Indiana Jones ride (Orey was feeling better) and if you have been on this ride you know you have to walk, like a mile, to get to the actual ride. Most of it is down these long indoor corridors. Yeah, it was raining so hard that the rain was coming though the ceiling AND we had a river of water rushing past our feet while we were walking. When we were done and headed out, we had to walk in huge puddles that went up past our ankles. We went on the Pirates of the Caribbean after that. We were actually on the ride, INSIDE the building and we had water seeping down on us!! It was insane! They wound up closing most of the rides. None of the outside vendors were open and several of the restaurants closed too. After several hours it started to clear up. Yes, we stayed in that weather for several hours. And we had a nice time walking around.

By Tuesday night we knew we were not going to be able to go home via 395 nor I5. We had to had 4 or 5 hours on our trip and cut over through Las Vegas and then up to Carson City. We left at 4:30 am and got home bout 4:15pm. As we were leaving, the road took us by Alexander’s apt and so I had to cry for a while. I hate leaving my kids behind. I know they are grown men (even though they don’t act like it when they are together) but they are still my little boys.

Oh, and through this, Marina, Rebekah and Juliet all have the flu up in Carson City and so I had to feel like a loser mother because I was not there to help them feel better either.

Well, that pretty much sums up the highlights of the trip. I can assure you there are more little things here and there that I could add…but then I would just be complaining :~)

Glad to be home and that everyone is safe and where they should be!

What if?

Certain things happen in life that makes you grateful that the “what could have happened” is not what happened. I try to remember that daily in my life. I look at Eric and at Seth and I think, man, how fortunate that they were brought into the family. I look at where they could/would have been if our hearts were not ready to receive such a blessing. How grateful to the Lord for making us ready. I also try to keep there birth families in my thoughts and prayers.

I look at my kids and think “Wow! How grateful I am that they are responsible people who try to do right in their lives”. I know some people say that it is how they are raised. Certainly, there was some influence there surely. However, I know plenty of good parents who struggle with the pain of their children’s choices and behaviors. Orey and I are so very blessed that we have the children we do. Not all their choices are right 100% of the time, but they take responsibility for them and try to do better. I am grateful that they trust me enough to be a part of their lives. I am proud of them. I am thankful they love me. I wonder what my life would have been like without them and it makes me emotionally raw at such a horrible thought. I love that they have never questioned if they are loved by their parents. I am sure there are probably times they have not allowed themselves to feel it, but I trust that they have always known it.

I look at my husband and think “What would my life be like if I had not asked him out?” There were so many times and obstacles that came in to play in our early dating days that would have ended that relationship. I will name a few of them. Orey was in Colorado when I started working at Wendy’s. He was visiting his dad. He was supposed to fly home but decided that Carson City had nothing for him so he would just stay there in Denver. He called the airlines to cancel his flight for later that afternoon but the lines were busy (they did not have internet back then). He fell asleep and when he woke up it was time to go to the airport. Being the responsible person he is, he figured he could not waste money by not using his ticket so he came home. The very next day I met him. He was not popular with many of my family and friends. He did not seem to fit the mold that I dated. I am glad I did not listen to most of the people who told me not to date him. It was not easy for a while. At the time I met him, an old boyfriend who I “loved” very much came back into the picture. He asked me to go out with him but it happened to be the same night that Orey and I were going on our first date. I am ashamed to say I really debated on whether to cancel my date with Orey. I almost did. At the very last minute I heard myself say that I could not but would he contact me the next week. That was the last time I spoke to the old boyfriend. Oh, also, I was dating someone the week before I met Orey. However, my friend Tom was coming in to town and my current boyfriend did not like that I was going to hang out with my friend so he said that we should stop seeing each other for the weekend and I could contact him the following week when I decided what I wanted. Tom came in, we hung out, I went to work on Monday with the intent of calling Roy after work but I met Orey that day when I came in to work. If I were still dating Roy I would never have dated Orey because I did not cheat. Anyway, those are just some of the obstacles and those were just in the first few days. Sometimes I wonder about any of those scenarios and how a different course of action on any of those would have changed my life and where I am at now. I am incredibly grateful that the Lord knew this was the man for me, my eternal companion and the father of my eternal family. What a wonderful man he is. I would not be who I am or where I am without his unconditional love and unwavering support. To say that I love him with all my heart would be an overwhelming understatement!

There are so many other “what if’s” that could be mentioned. The family I was born into, the way my parents raised me, the places we lived, the love they gave me, the friends I associated with (good and bad), and so on.

So, to my Heavenly Father and my brother Jesus Christ, I give my heartfelt gratitude for giving me those things in life with I needed but did not even know it. For loving me enough to bless me so richly with trials, tribulations, love, knowledge, family, friends, experience, and the gospel. I thank Thee.

Tribute to my Aunt and Uncle

Well, yesterday the world lost a bright and sweet lady. It is my Aunt Chris. Also known as Yvonne. Although, I remember growing up as a child being completely confused by the whole Yvonne/Chris name thing.

Three years ago in November we lost my Uncle Pino. He was a fun loving man who was dedicated to not only his family but ours as well. Actually, his real name is Julian but we always new him as Pino. Again with the name thing :~)

So growing up we had two sets of aunts and uncles on my dad’s side. One was my Uncle Pino (I miss him and think about him often) who was married to my Aunt Diana (my dad’s sister). The other was my Aunt Chris who was married to my Uncle Tudy (my dad’s brother.

My Aunt Diana and Uncle Pino were more like second parents to my sisters and me. Our cousins (their children Marcie, Joey and Dina) were more like siblings than most I think. It seems like almost every weekend my sisters and I would be taken to National City for the weekend where we would stay with our Nana and Tata. Our cousins would come and we would spend the time together. Those were awesome times! I mentioned this to my mom a few years ago how we would go almost every weekend to Nat’l City, but she insisted we were not there as much as I remembered. I guess they were just really important times in my life so they take up a lot of space in my memories.

Uncle Pino could be a gruff person who could scare the pants off of you. But he was a kind and gentle man who loved deeply and dearly. When my dad and Uncle Tudy were off at war/military, it was my uncle who took on the “father” responsibilities for the family. I don’t expect that anyone asked him to do it, but he loved us and wanted to make sure we were okay. I remember when I had the mumps and had to stay and the National City house (I think we were living there at the time). I was so sick and for some reason was home by myself. I heard a truck drive up and the next thing I knew Uncle Pino was there with a plastic, squeezy Snoopy dog. He didn’t say much but I remember he brought it in, felt my forehead, asked if I was okay and then he was gone. Yep, he loved me. It’s funny how when you are a child and you grow up in a family like that, you just expect these people to be in your life and take care of you. You never really think about how they feel about it or how it evolved. All I know is that I am grateful for the bear of a man who loved me as his niece for all my life. He is a tremendous presence in my growing up memories. What a blessing!

Aunt Chris and Uncle Tudy lived their lives a bit differently then we did. I remember they were not in the physical picture as much as my other Aunt and Uncle. This made them special in a different way to me. We would see them on some weekends and on holidays and special days like baptisms and stuff. It was always fun when we got to see them. My cousins (their children Jeff, Jason, Jordon and Justin) were younger than me. Now that is not an issue but when you are little, that is an issue. That and the fact they were boys and were not interested in playing house and school with me. Not like Joey who loved playing school with me and handing out homework any time who could. Hmmm, I wonder if there is a correlation between then and his profession as a teacher now :~) Any, I don’t know if he loved playing school with me but I loved it. Back to the real story, we loved seeing our cousins. It was not an all the time thing so when it happened, we knew it was special.

My Aunt came to live with us in Oceanside when my Uncle Tudy and dad were overseas. Aunt Chris got to watch me when I was in Kindergarten. I remember she and my mom went on the game show “Let’s Make a Deal”. She went as I Dream Of Jeanie. She was perfect in that costume because she looked like Jeanie. She was always a beautiful lady, both inside and out. I remember her family was always involved in outdoor kind of sports. She was really active and seemed to support the men in her family in whatever they chose. She really loved her family. I remember I was at their house one time with my mom. I think some, if not all, of my sisters were there too. I was in the boys’ room playing with their Hot Wheels or Matchbox cars because I was banished from the family like room so the adults could do an activity. Well, being young and bored I wanted to see what was going on with the adults. Aunt Chris had gotten a “hypnosis” record and was playing it. I am sure I ruined the mood when I started laughing. I remember that Aunt Chris seemed to almost always be laughing or had a smile on her face. She was the type of person you just wanted to be around to soak up the positive energy of her existence. I am glad that she loved me and that she was my Aunt. I will miss her but will cherish her existence in my life and memories.

We are all products of our environment, memories, sense of humor, sense of self, and more. We are shaped by those we love and who love us. Next to my parents and my immediate family, I would have to say that my Aunts and Uncles play a huge part in the make-up of ME. I would like to express my gratitude to them for their roles in my life, for helping me to be me. For helping to give me the knowledge that I am a blessed and loved woman and will never want for the warmth of family. My thanks and my love.

Weird!

Okay, so I had gastric bypass surgery on June 10th. I was going to keep it a secret and then I thought "what the heck? If I do things correctly it isn't like no one will notice" so I tell everyone who asks now. They funny thing is, if I walk out on the yard here at the prison, I have inmates asking me if I am okay because they have noticed that I have lost weight and they are concerned if I am sick or not. I am not sure how to feel about that :~) I don't know if they are concerned because I have lost weight so quickly, or if I just look crappy so they wonder if I am sick. Weird. Actually, I think it is the weight loss thing because one asked if I was doing Jenny Craig. I said no, Jenny Craig is too hard. Haha!

Anyway, I have gone from about 209 lbs in May, down to about 149lbs right now. It is the weirdest thing for me. I shop in the size 10 pants. I don't see myself any different but my clothes, not to mention all the wrinkles on my face (fat is a great botox), tells me that I am different. Mostly, I am off all medication and my blood pressure and cholesterol are normal AND my migraines are gone!! I feel good and that is the fun part. The down part of it all is the fact that I am ALWAYS cold! Unless I eat too much sugar or fat, then I get really hot and yucky. I try to avoid that feeling like the plague!

Well, just wanted to update you all. I know, everyone wants me to post pictures. I will. I will send them to Deborah and she can post them for me. Either that or I can wait until they come for a visit in the next couple of months and she can do it then. I love their annual visits!

Okay, that is all for now.

125lb Barbie? Whatever Floats your Boat

So, I went to another class today which was AWESOME! Met with the nutritionis and nurse who are monitering my diet. Orey went with me so he can be more involved in my weight loss program. Actually, "more" is not the right word. He is really involved to the point where he calls me at work to see how I am doing both emotionally and physically (empty tummy). Since I have become adjusted to my diet, sometimes I get busy and forget to eat or I get off track and figure I will make it up later. He likes to remind me.

I am down 15 lbs! Actyally it is 14.8 but you figure I was wearing clothes so I am sure that made a difference. Don't laugh! The bigger you are the more fabric your clothes have, the more weight your scale shows. If I were to get undressed I am sure I am a 125lb Barbie or something. That is my story and I am sticking to it!!

Okay, I have to fessy up. I did cheat this week. I went to Pizza Factory and had two small pieces of pizza. I HAD to! I was craving it so bad that I was becoming angry about not having some. I waited for about 4 days before giving in just to make sure I wanted to do it. I thought I would feel really guilty but I did not. It felt good and I got the craving out and all was fine. I did not tell my support person though. Over all I think that I did pretty good. Especially since I usually eat like 5 or 6 pieces with soda to wash them down.

Orey spent the day with me. After our class we went to a park to eat the picnic lunch I packed. That was really nice. A month ago I would have insisted we go out to eat a high fat, high calorie, high sodium lunch at Olive Garden or Red Robin or something like that. Not anymore. I was totally happy with the picnic (Yay tuna, carrots and protien shakes). Then we went to the bookstore and Orey bought me several books (since Deborah will not let me read hers) and a food journal. I love it!

All in all, it was a lovely day and I feel good about myself.